This is a story about a marathon… but not really. It’s about much much more.
I am a slow processor. It takes me a few days to wrap my mind and heart around what I’ve experienced or done and this last weekend, I ran a marathon. I signed up for this thing, well let me be honest- I decided to do this back in the Spring but didn’t actually sign up for the race until a month ago (commitment problems, I know).
Anyways, I decided on this grand idea because I was feeling like I needed something to work towards. There was a lot going on in my personal/emotional life and having something that I had to commit to and show up for, on a regular basis, felt really aligned for me at the time.
This marathon wasn’t about the miles or medals, although I do love my medal… I realized that what I needed most in my life at the time was to show up, but not for everyone else, like I normally do, but for myself. 
I needed to show up for the hard runs.
I needed to show up for the god-awful July runs.
I needed to show up for 2+ hour runs.
I needed to show up for the bad runs.
Frankly, I needed to show up for Candace. 
Showing up is something I’m pretty good at- as a single mama, a small business owner, a first born daughter… my jam is to show up and do the damn thing. For whoever, whenever, because that is what I do. But over time I have realized that I do so much showing up for everyone else, that the last person I can make and keep promises with is myself. And that, my friends, is not okay. Because at the end of the day, if I don’t show up for me, if I don’t keep promises (ie: respect myself) then who will? Or how could I expect to know what it feels like to experience that from others in a relationship or other setting?
So I showed up for the runs that I dreaded and showed up honestly some days and texted my trainer that I absolutely could not workout that day and needed to breathe, to which he always replied “I’m so glad you’re listening to your body… proud of you.” (yay for GOOD trainers). Because showing up doesn’t mean perfection or always persevering, it means being present to yourself and who you want to become and doing the things you need.
A beautiful thing that happened in the midst of training for this freaking marathon was that in showing up for myself, I also had to open up to letting other people show up for me. Shoutout to my amazing mama, who would come to my house at 5am every other weekend so I could get out the door early enough for my long run that week. Shoutout to my dear friends who prioritized and celebrated this goal with me by giving up a weekend, hours in the car (multiple times) and lots of convos about running. By showing up for you… it means other people get to do the same thing as well… and that my friends is a really good thing.
So yea, I ran 26.2 miles and I trained for several months and logged over 400 training miles (maybe I’m telling you this to brag just a bit, lol), but more than that- I saw the beauty and power and goodness of showing up for myself, in a tangible way, and here I am, on the other side, committing to never run one of those things again, but also trusting myself a bit more, more receptive to the good people in my life who want to show up for me and proud that I followed through on something that felt really hard and out of my league.
Show up.
You’re worth it.
It’s worth it.
Cheers,
Candace
