Today is October 31st, which means my blog post is due. I thought about texting Candace and saying “Look, I just don’t got it this month.” Spoiler alert, there’s no grand point I’m going to end at. At least, I don’t think. I guess we’ll see where this ends up. But I don’t really feel like I have anything to say today.
But then I thought, well, the other option is to just be honest.
I’m in a weird place. My own healing kind of hit the turbo button and I’ve been catapulted into a new place that’s lovely, but I don’t know how to put words to it yet. I haven’t had enough time to really understand what I’m learning and how to share that.
At the same time, I’ve been obsessing about the size of my body. All I can think about today is how I need to go move my body, but my mindset is punishment and sweating to make myself smaller. When I’m here, I’m anxious, uninspiried, and I dread doing pretty much everything.
Most therapists will tell clients two things can be true at once. You can be flourishing in some areas and taking steps back in others. It’s just like that sometimes. And that’s okay.
One thing I can share that I have been learning lately is that I don’t need to force anything. Change happens when you need it most. The next step will come when it is supposed to. Energy and inspiration comes and goes.
All we really have to do is wakeup everyday and greet what is in us and what is in the world. What’s in me today is just being, going through this day with presence and awareness, but not a lot of change. Not a lot of inspiration. All I can do is honor that, go slow, and trust that motivation and inspiration will come again.
Is this a nice way of saying I feel like a lazy and gross couch blob? Yes, yes it is. But I am not lazy (neither are you), I am not gross (neither are you), and I am not a couch blob (confirming, neither are you). I’m just here, reminding myself to practice self-compassion. Here’s your reminder to do the same.
With you.
Liana Cox
