About 6 months ago I joined a new gym. And the reasons why I chose this gym were very specific. At this gym all I had to do was show up for a class, and do the things the trainer told me to do. They were group classes, so I wouldn’t be slogging away at some poorly-lit bro gym all by myself. This gym truly felt like a great fit.
- I didn’t have to think about it.
- I wasn’t alone
- I didn’t have to make any decisions
- I just had to make their classes work with my schedule
This all seemed to be a great idea, for about 4ish months. And then waking up at 4:55am multiple times every week became daunting, and I was moving things around in my calendar to make a class time work, oh and I had this brilliant idea to start training for a marathon- which, apparently consumes every ounce of spare time you have- and this gym situation was becoming less than stellar.
Also, my goals started to shift in regards to my physical health, and the classes they were offering, which are great by the way, just didn’t seem to align. I didn’t want to jump on top of a tall box 50 times in a row and then do some crazy push-up into a squat while you throw a weighted ball over your head. My body was saying “enough” and that it needed something else… but I felt stuck. Stuck in a contract, for one, but also, stuck in the notion that I had to see my way through this and that I can’t “quit” or give-up. I just needed to keep trying to make this thing work, no matter the cost. I had made this decision and now I needed to live in it.
Now, you might be wondering why the heck I’m talking about a gym… so here comes the big switch-a-roo that we do in blogs…
I had to accept that staying in a space that was no longer serving me was a really big cost. It was a cost to my budget, my mental health, my physical health and honestly, just my joy. I love working out– and it became chore and a “have-to-do-it,” kind of thing. And I also had to realize that this type of space served a purpose for a certain season of my life… I needed to be told what to do and I needed to free up some mental space that working out had taken up and I needed to feel less alone, like I had previously and I needed to just disconnect and do. For a season, I needed to not be in charge of this arena of my life, and it was finally time to acknowledge that I can’t live like that forever.
I can’t live in a way that is costing me so much and isn’t allowing me to live into my autonomy and freedom. I needed to be able to wake up and decide that today was definitely a yoga day and not some crazy conditioning with weights and jump ropes kind of day, and not feel guilty. I needed to let my body be back in charge of things and not an outsider with weekly plan of workouts.
I started to realize that living my life outside of my autonomy was actually wrecking havoc on my internal world and that I didn’t need to continue living that way. I could choose. I could make a change. I could cancel the membership and re-find a sense of autonomy, agency and joy again.
I also need to validate and acknowledge that there are definitely seasons in our lives when we just can’t make one more damn decision or feel responsible for one more thing, so sometimes we need to defer, sometimes we need to outsource. BUT, and this is a big BUT… living our entire lives that way will not bring about a life of alignment, congruence or joy. I promise. The best thing we can do is just pay attention to ourselves. What kind of season are you in? Is it time to transition into a new one? Your life is precious and worth paying attention to and tended to, my friend.
Quit the gym. Go for a walk. Take a break.
Candace McArthur, LCSW
